too fat

so I tried calling inpatient and once again they make me feel like i'm not sick enough. Makes me wanna die really...
I took an anxiety med and am trying to simmer but I have to drive allll the way to Pittsburgh for an assessment and then wait to see if they'll accept me or not.
fun.

i just want to go crazy and ubr od on diet pills right now, I feel so fat :-(

in good news, two days ago it was my birthday and I bought cute shoes:

so yeah.
I'm 22 bitchesssssssss

Not sure how much I weigh- i've been a pig lately and had to go back on abilify because I was hallucinating (fun, right? I thought my boyfriends arm was a dead cat)

Yeah. so my assessment is next week on thursday and so i have to wait forever now. a week to sit around and eat air and such.
I hate being judged. It's lkike i'm being judged for how fat I am and why I shouldn't be in inpatient- because i'm fat.

Safe

I managed to scare myself away from overdosing. *phew*.

I lost another lb- I'm the thinnest i've been in QUITE a LONG time. 134.8!! Still larger than my average- but getting there! 3 more lbs to go until I meet my "normal highest weight"

On another note, i'm stopping taking my Topamax because it makes me crazy- even though it helps me lose weight(- it's better then diet pills!) because it effs up my birth control pill... and I don't want babiessssss soooooo yeah.

I'm also going to have to get off this combo of anfanil (or whatever it's called) and prozac because they have a BAD interaction (ummm.... hello psychiatrist????) and make me uber zombie-ish- as well as even more suicidal. as you may have been able to tell.

Tomorrow I officially withdraw from college... again.

I've been biting my lip all day and haven't cared. I just don't care anymore, depression is really bad...

ok, well that's all. I'm still alive

toodles

New meds I'm Perscribed

- birth control pills (seasonique)
- 10 mgs of Abilify
- 50mgs of Topamax a day (for migraines)
- 60 mgs of Prozac (raising up to 80 eventually)
- 25mgs of Anafranil (anxiety med)

So I'm outta the Hospital!