A Good Morning, hopefully

Yesterday I was so overwhelmed by

a. my eating disorder
b. my ocd
c. my constant anxiety
d. my depression
e. my constant thoughts
f. this elimination diet and sticking to it

that I lost sight of reality. The reality is I CAN do this. I CAN go to classes and get good grades, even with these demons on my back.
I CAN follow the elimination diet- even though it's tough
I CAN manage my disorders... I hope.

I had posted a video- you may have noticed I took it down, which I titled "Sicken" and was the beginning trauma of my relapse... but some idiot posted "Why would you upload that?" so I pathetically blocked her and took many of my videos down in response.

Whenever I get hate-filled comments, I flip out- think EVERYONE is thinking that way, and convince myself that I'm a failure. I don't know why... I just (as Bryan ha said) give people too much power over me. It makes sense that my ED raised it's head and yelled "Over here! Use me as a weapon!!!" so I was going to starve myself again "to show them who's boss"

I'm on two diets:
- elimination diet (for medical reasons)
- abc diet (for ED reasons)

I went all OCD yesterday and separated my chips into their given serving sizes and placed them in ziplock bags. I almost taped myself doing it because I knew how ridiculous I ws being.... but ya know. Because I'm "newly" relapsing, and recovery is hardly in sight for me at this point, I don't want to call attention to myself.

I've also started exercising whenever I get the chance.
I'm super tired so I think i'll try to go back to bed now...

goodnight ya'll