Out of the darkness and into the light


Monday, September 13, 2010

My thoughts...

It's really early and I'm up. I was afraid the laxatives would... have an effect or whatnot lol.
I'm freezing cold :-(

I've decided to change my rules, because I gained a bit of weight and feel like I have been giving myself leeway.
so here goes:
- follow new point system (for school)
- no more than 300cals a day
- no sugar
- no milk
- no soy
- no chocolate
- no peanuts
- light exercise (do chores, dance, walk to school)

How I've been. As you may have noticed, I was going to be hospitalized, but realized I just can't do that because of missing too much school. I was going to be in the hospital for:
a. my depression and suicidal thoughts and anxiety
b. my terrible ocd patterns and rituals
c. my eating disorder and the effects it's having on my body

I didn't follow my psychiatrists advice and am now going to school today- hopefully. I'm freezing cold! Why is it so freakin' cold???
gahhhhh

I figured I should keep tabs on how many diet pills/etc I take in a day:
thus far:
- (2) Xenadrine ultras
- (2) acai berry supplements
- (2) fat burner cleanse
and it's only 5:30am right now lol

If my parents knew I was still taking all this, they would be so upset... especially because the meds cause kidney damage- and already my kidneys are bad...
I expect to get a phone call from dr.sipple today (my psychiatrist) telling me the results of my lab work I had done on friday. Hopefully it's this kind of news
"Hi Susie, I got your labs and your white blood cells are back in normal again, also your kidney function is better"

but I'm  not so sure...

Last night I dreamed that one of my followers reported me for my half-naked photos lol. I knew them in real life and kicked their butt apparently.

ok... well this is getting long, how about some fun photos of pretty skinny people?

3 comments:

  1. does this mean you're not doing the abc diet anymore? after a debating with myself I've decided to restart.

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  2. I can understand how hard it must be, to drop everything. School, diet pills and a lil part of your ed. Stay strong honey, you'll be able too go through this :)

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  3. darling i think if u really need to go to hospital you should. your health is way more important. i understand what you are going thru tho. its hard to say yes to hospitalisation because really its not fun. try to stay safe love. xo

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